in the silence the truth rises. it moves through our stories, through the lies, the distractions, the shadows and into the light. here it finds the freedom to breathe, to release and to be heard. the talking can often times be a deterrent, a covering from what lies behind the words.
i often sit for hours. letting the darkness settle in. letting the silence find it’s way into my story releasing those truths that the daytime often hides with it’s hurrying about and constant activity. writing too helps me let the story work it’s way onto a page and their to discover for the first time something that was once lost.
i’m not sure what it is about the silence that we fight. why we struggle to sit still and be with ourselves. how we can accomplish such great feats during the day and yet when the night comes we scatter to more stimulation. i’m as guilty as anyone. it only takes a simple invitation and i’m quickly running away from the opportunity to be still. however, africa taught me much of stillness years ago that i can never forget. it was there that silence greeted me night after night. it was there that i learned to sit with myself, not out of desire, but because all distraction was removed. i was forced to be still. i had no options. what a gift being option-less can be. i was forced by circumstance to be with myself in the silence. i was forced to listen to the stirrings of the mind, to the shadows, to the those painful memories of my childhood, to those stories forgotten and hidden within.
the first few weeks, even months were incredibly difficult. a great deal of shifting, of writing, of building fires trying to distract myself and then somewhere the stillness found me. i let go. i began to settle into myself. it was possibly the single most important moment of my life…to begin to receive who i am. the good and the bad. the light and the darkness. the joy and the sorrow. the freedom and the anxiety.
it’s funny because even today i often have to remind myself of silence’s gift. life’s funny that way how we can run beyond a truth once realized.
thank you silence for never giving up on me. for continuing to pursue my heart. for wanting me to find myself in your welcoming arms. for opening an empty space where i can receive your love and in that love discover my love. i pray i never leave you, but let you continue the work you started long ago before i knew.
big love,
z
ubuntu 