it’s crazy going through this process. this morning i was liking it to your life being somewhat contained, like in a jar that is more predictable. you have certain parameters, markers that you know where to receive love, where to channel energies of joy, play, fear, confusion, etc. once your life partner leaves you those markers are gone, the illusion of a safe harbor disappears, the jar is cracked and all it’s contents are thrown on a table, spilling over with no real borders.
example…i wake up with so many of the same feelings that i have had for the past decade…turning over to wake her up, to say i love you, good morning and let’s have breakfast. those actions now have no where to live, but the momentum of 10 years leave you still anticipating that kind of movement of emotions. i’m just noticing the cracked jar and the spillage of those energies, emotions, thoughts as they make their way onto the floor with no real direction.
it’s one of the first times in my life where i have felt somewhat directionless. for those who know me well…this is a very very strange place to be. however at the same time it is somehow freeing to acknowledge the cracked jar and just let every damn thing spill onto the floor.
here’s to that and to discovering where all of this will lead!