reprograming the old hardwiring…

my previous post quoting the dalai lama has stayed with me over the last few weeks. the dalai lama’s words are saturated with insight of our need to combat the long-standing habits of mistaken thought patterns that create pattern after pattern of negative thoughts and mistaken modes of perception. i struggle with this myself. as i develop and become what we call “an adult” i am amazed at how stuck i am in the patterns of my inner child. patterns that were once self protective in nature from the pervasive judgement in my family, now haunt me at the simplest meeting or presentation. it’s as if everyone who showed up to a meeting or presentation truly just showed up to judge me and inform me of my incompetence! my anxiety was born as a means of protection warning me as a child to watch out from my parents judgement and hurtful comments, but now it’s as if the protection has revved into overdrive overheating all systems in the most inappropriate times, ie. in the midst of a routine CTC meeting and all of a sudden the walls begin to shrink, the floor sinks, everyone’s faces enlarge with the exception of mine that shivers and sweats profusely!

these are the thoughts the dalai lama referes to when he says, “ignorance may be defined as a mistaken mode of perception that posits belief in the autonomous solidity of the self and of phenomena.” not only are they perceptions entrenched in our stories from childhood, but also the stories or images being blasted at us daily via media, advertisements, etc. my wife and i recently watched “the greatest story ever sold” that delves into this freakishly scary truth of where we are heading in regards to corporate america programing us from childhood about what to want, to wear, to eat and to think. if you have not seen this film i highly recommend it.

i am overwhelmed at what we are capable to feel and to think in a day let alone within a minute. what is even more overwhelming is my inability to process or reflect on all that runs through my mind in one minute…exhausting! however, i shared the quote in my earlier post from the dalai lama for this very reason…for hope. i find hope that i can become more aware of my surroundings, at the influx of media grabbing for my attention and at the shadows of my old stories lurking, wanting to hold me captive in the false self. and by becoming more aware i can meditate, let go, reprogram the old hardwiring and create new patterns of thought that refresh, restore and allow me to live more happily and more at peace in the person i long to be. is this easy? will this happen tomorrow? shit no because i’ve been at it for over 10 years now and believe me it is not easy. it does, however, enliven me to wake up tomorrow with a hope and an inner charge to smile and give myself grace knowing that i’m on the path to create something new. the alternative is to allow the old stories or the stories of the media to choose my path. i like the option to create something new.

big love,


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