2009 reflections….

5 days before christmas and 11 days before the new year.  nothing new, we’ve all been here before…another christmas, the end of one year and the beginning of another.  despite the fact that this has all been done before i still find it refreshing.  like the coming and going of the seasons they help remind us, like markers along the journey that nothing is permanent and change is constant.

as much as we may try to predict what will come lifes certainty of being uncertain has a way of reminding us the need to stretch and to become ever increasingly malleable.

this year has been one gigantic dose of this lesson.  2009 has driven home my need to let go, to continually release my grip on the illusion of control and….to breathe.  there has been so much change this year, and one of constant movement that i think i’m still waiting for the dust to settle.  people long standing in my life have moved on, key people and their places in my life have shifted, some quite drastically and new people have moved in with the beautiful surprise of simply being present.

with all this change one of the more painfully profound lessons i have learned is that you can trust no one.  with lifes certain uncertainty so too is the human condition.  no matter how much we may want to be there for someone, to change or to not act in certain ways we may find that we can not.  no matter how hard we try we cannot always be who we want to be.  and in the same breath no matter how badly we want someone to be for us we may find that it is actually our expectations that need to change.

i have experienced a great deal of pain in 2009 and have come to what i hope is a healthy conclusion:  you can trust no one, but you can love everyone.  of course this is much easier written that done.  but believe me it was even a difficult process getting to the place where i could write it.

big love,


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